Kucch to Hai, (2003)

I’m going to come right out and say it: I hate horror movies. I hate thrillers, too. I’m very easily frightened and grossed out, especially when sitting in the dark staring at action unfold larger-than-life onscreen. I couldn’t fathom handing over ten bucks or so in order to sit in a movie theater and be uncomfortable for two hours. It’s simply not my idea of a good time.

So that is why I’ve never seen I Know What You Did Last Summer or Scream, which are apparently the primary inspiration for Kucch to Hai. Fortunately, I can always rely on a Bollywood movie not to live up to its expectations. In fact, except for the opening sequence (in which a dead white cheerleader falls on Esha Deol. Did I really just write that?) the film spends the first half an hour or so focused primarily on college-level romantic comedy. Karan (Tusshar) likes Tanya (Esha), but Natasha (Natasha) likes Karan, and Yash (Yash) likes Natasha. Or at least wants to get in her pants. Oh, and also Professor Bakshi (Rishi Kapoor) is eccentric, and may or may not have killed his wife. Of course, one thing leads to another and eventually some people fall in love while some others are gruesomely killed.

(Side note: Rishi Kapoor, to me, is the Bollywood equivalent of Alan Alda. I know he’s done bad guy roles before, but I can only ever remember all the good ones he was in. Trying to watch Rishi Kapoor pull off a believable villain is like watching Capt. Hawkeye Pierce kick a puppy. It just doesn’t happen.)

How bad is it that I think Jeetendra is still much cuter than his son? How bad is it that Johnny Lever provides the moment of greatest tension in the film? How bad is it that I have to keep using rhetorical questions? At any rate, Esha Deol looked cuter in this film than she has in any other that I’ve seen her in (possibly because her haircut was, for the most part, very flattering for her face). The ending was completely ridiculous. Unless you've got some sort of morbid curiosity (the dead cheerleader thing? Still weird), I would advise you to avoid, yaar.