Mere Jeevan Saathi, (2006)
On a scale of "avoid, yaar" to "totally basmatic," I cannot quite figure out where Mere Jeevan Saathi belongs. It certainly does not belong in the "pretty bad"/"fairly mediocre" middle ground of Bollywood filmdom. It may very well be the worst movie I have ever seen, but it is so awesomely bad that I could not help but enjoy it immensely.
The film stars Akshay Kumar as Vicky, another fame-hungry talentless guy that Akshay is so bad at playing, and yet plays so often. This time, he wants to be a pop star, and the only way to do this is to make nice with Natasha (Karisma Kapoor in her "comeback" role), a CEO of a major music label. Vicky is supported 100% by his girlfriend Anjali (Amisha Patel) who has nothing in her head but butterflies and bumblebees apparently, because the girl is as dumb as a brick.
It sounds like the good ole love triangle scenario, doesn't it? That's what I thought it was going to be. I did not expect this film to have explosions and stabbings and wrist-slashing at all, but it totally totally did. What I did not realize was that Natasha was a crazy pyscho-bitch bent on possessing Vicky at any/all costs. Naturally, she was my favorite character, because she was the only one in the film who was not as bland as my Aunt Terry's potato salad. Karisma seemed to enjoy chewing the scenery, so to speak, while her co-stars drowned in bad dialogue and the horrible plot.
The most unbelievable part of this movie, however, was not the excessive violence and blood and blowing up of things or Anjali's complete obliviousness to the situation around her. I was rather surprised that not one, but two women were head over heels for Akshay Kumar. He has to be the least sexy man on the Bollywood silver screen, save perhaps Johnny Lever. Perhaps. His photo-shoot scene was the most embarrassing thing I have ever witnessed.
This film was apparently a major flop, and it's not hard to understand why. Apparently a lot of people were upset with the ending, because it is almost as unbelievable as how sexy Akshay is supposed to be.
Vicky marries a dead body.
That's pretty awesomely bad.