Dil Ka Rishta, (2003)
As long I as I have been watching bad movies lately, why not watch on of the very worst that I own? So I popped in Dil Ka Rishta (relationships of the heart), which has the very worst plot I have ever seen. The best part of the whole movie occurs within the first three minutes - Arjun Rampal takes a shower. Had this shower continued another three hours or so, well, I would have been a very happy viewer. Unfortunately Arjun can wash his hair in record time, and so the movie progresses, despite the reluctance of its audience.
Jai, the wealthy Indian boy, falls in love with Tia, the perfect Indian girl. In fact, this girl is so perfect that she works at a school for deaf children, which leads to Jai thinking she's also deaf. Awkwardness ensues both onscreen and in the audience. Eventually we learn that Tia's already spoken for, but instead of moving on, Jai spends the next year or so of his life spiralling into a pit of despair. In a drunk-driving incident, Jai kills Tia's husband, but instead of doing the time for the crime, he whisks the amnesia-stricken Tia and her infant son to South Africa, where he plans on never telling her what actually happened. In fact, doctors agree with this remedy, fearing that the truth will kill her. If you're already thinking that this movie is a bad idea, now take into account that Jai feels too guilty about what he's done to return Tia's burgeoning romantic interest.
The entire film begs the question "Who thought this was a good idea?" You can pose that question to each of the characters - "You think this is a good idea? It's totally not a good idea." You can especially ask this of the filmmakers themselves. "You thought this would make a good movie? This was just a bad idea. The whole thing was a really, really bad idea, guys." Supposedly this film was written by Aishwarya Rai's mother, intended to be a showcase of her daughter's talent. I'm sorry, but if it was talent I was supposed to be noticing, I was seriously distracted by the horrible plot, the ridiculous characters, and the not-so-good acting on everyone's part.
One aspect at which this film does not fail, though, is "the pretty." We've got both Aishwarya Rai and Arjun Rampal, both of whom I would happily look at for three hours, despite questionable acting skills. There's also Ishaa Koppikar and Priyanshu Chatterjee, who are passably pretty. Then there's Paresh Rawal, who's usually pretty funny, and Rakhee, the gorgeous actress of yesteryear who's playing mostly mother parts lately. Pretty clothes, pretty scenery, pretty cars, but it's also pretty dull for the most part. There's not many films that I'll say this for, but this is definitely one of them - Avoid, yaar. There's better ways to spend three hours of your time.
Based on a short scene, though, the only good thing that came of this film was a hilarious conversation with my friend Tinu on how he would react had he knocked up Aishwarya Rai. Actually, most of the conversation consisted of gestures and celabratory dance moves, so I guess you had to be there.